Without Lew
by b.ballgal
Summary: When team one loses Lewis Young to a landmine they all have their own struggles to move on without him. Full team including Wordy and Ed's families as well as Spike's parents. There is slight JAM or just strong friendships depending what you consider romance. Rated K because of possible swearing and angst-y themes.
1. Losing Lew

Hi all, I've had some issues and needed to revise my story. There are n. Majour changes but you may want to reread. Thanks.

She watches, in some sort of shocked horror as the land mine exploded. She doesn't want to watch but can't seem tear her eyes away. It doesn't seem real though until she sees Lew's body fly through the air and Spike collapse on the ground.

Tear fill her vision and she can't breath, can't see. Her hands find Wordy or Wordy finds her and she ends up pressed against his kelver vest, tears pouring down her cheeks wishing it was Lew holding her.

"Jules, breath," he whispers gently.

She struggles to draw a breath in between her sobs.

"Sweetheart take a deep breath, that's a girl," he whispers holding her close.

"Lew," she whispers.

"I know, I know Jules," Wordy soothes rocking slightly.

"Call your family, let them now you're okay," she mumbles suddenly.

"What sweetie?" he looks down at her.

"Call Shelly, she'll be worried," she says and tears continue down her cheeks. "And Ed call Sophie and Spike call your parents and..." Jules is border line hysteric now.

"Jules, shh take a breath, I'm calling Shelly right now okay?" Wordy soothes trying to stop his own tears.

Jules disentangled herself from him and motions for him to walk away. She tries desperately to get her emotions in check.

Julianna Callaghan, you're on the job. Pull yourself together. She commands herself.

After taking a deep breath and wiping her face, silently thanking who ever came up with water proof mascara, Jules has managed to stop her tears. She needs to feel useful so she heads over to where Sarge is attempting to comfort Spike.

"Hey sweetheart," the boss stands up and hugs her, "how are you doing?"

"I'm good boss," she says hugging him back, "Spike doesn't need to be here can I take him back to HQ and maybe Sam if I can find him," Jules says.

"Good idea, Ed, Wordy and I'll meet you back there alright?" he says kissing her forehead and walking back towards Ed and Wordy.

"C'mon Spike, let's go back to HQ," Jules says kneeling beside the distraught man.

Spike wordlessly obeys.

"Spike," she says once back at the SUVs, "I'm going to go find Sam, stay here okay."

No response but Jules heads to find Sam anyways.

She finds him punching the hard, concrete building around the corner.

"Sam, hey you're going to get hurt," she says softly.

"Go away Jules," he says.

"No," she walks up to him, "C'mon we're going back to HQ."

"Jules, it's my fault," he says his voice cracking.

"No Sam, it isn't," she says, "now come on back to HQ."

Sam allows Jules to grab his wrist-not wanting to irritate his bloodied knuckles-and bring him back to the truck. She motions for him to get into the back and take the driver's seat. They drive back in silence all lost in their own, horrible thoughts.

In the passenger's seat Spike's mind is going through the what ifs. What if I hadn't told Lew we were going to do weight transfer? What if I'd done it and it had worked? What if...what if...what if.

Behind Spike Sam is having very different but equally upsetting thoughts. I should have known, I should have been able to save him. I have experience with land mines, I should have been able to save him! It's like Leila all over again. He closes his eyes trying to block out the pictures of the little, 4 year old Afghan girl who JFK2 befriended flying through the air as a result of a land mine.

In the drivers seat Jules is lost in her own thoughts. What will she do without Lewis? Who will rescue her stuff when Spike holds it out of her reach? Who will bring her coffee the morning after a hard call knowing she hadn't slept much? Who will keep Spike's pranks under control? Who will be Spike's voice of reason-her voice of reason? Who will replace him? They need Lew, the world needs Lew. Its not fair! Her thoughts shocks her when she realizes Lew will have to be replaced. That sends fresh tears to her eyes.

They finally reach HQ and head up to the locker rooms.

"Oh god guys he's really gone," Winnie says as they walk in.

Jules nods, "yeah, he's gone," she whispers.

Winnie hugs each of them. "I'm sorry guys."

"Not your fault," Sam replies sharply.

"Sorry," Jules mouths to Winnie who dismisses it with a brief wave of her hand.

"Win, is the briefing room clear?" Jules asks aloud.

"Yeah," she says wiping her eyes.

"Great," she says turning to the two male constables she says, "Spike go have a shower and change okay? Sam, let me bandage your hands. We'll meet in the briefing room after"

Winnie watches Jules interact with her team and realizes that one day the petite sniper will make an amazing sergeant, every bit as good as Greg.

Jules leads Sam into the briefing room where Winnie supplies her with a first-aid kit. She tried to be gentle as she cleans Sam's bloodied knuckles. "Go have a shower and I'll wrap them after okay?"

Sam nods and wanders off. Jules hurries to have a quick shower and change, not bothering with make-up or doing anything more than a quick French braid with her still damp hair. She thankfully beats both guys out.

She heads into the briefing room needing a moment to think. She hasn't been in there long when Spike comes in looking like a zombie.

"Hey Spike," she stands up and hugs the officer.

"Hi," he mumbles.

"It's not your fault," she assures him softly.

No response.

"Spike, it'll be okay, I know it hurts like hell right now but it'll get better, we'll all get better," she mummers not paying particular attention to her words.

"You mean we'll forget," he mutters icily pushing her away. She grabs his wrists and turns him towards her.

"No! We will never forget Lewis but the pain will fade, I promise," she says.

"How would you know?" he snaps not thinking about his words, "oh god Jules, shit, I'm sorry," he mumbles as he sees Jules's face pale and her eyes well up.

"No, it's okay Spike," she says turning away to wipe her eyes. The tears don't stop though.

"I'm so so sorry Jules," he says putting a hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay Spike," she says wiping her eyes again and turning back.

Sam wordlessly comes in to the briefing room.

"You alright Jules?" he asks.

She nods, "let me wrap your hands now okay?"

Sam allows himself to be lead to the table where Jules wraps his hands with soft, clean linens. "No more punching undeserving objects Sam," she says but the teasing note in gone from her voice replaced by sadness.

"How are you guys?" Sarge asks coming into the room.

"Hey Sarge," Jules forces herself to paste a phony smile on her face knowing Sarge is really worried.

"Hey," Ed and Wordy come into the room.

"Hi guys," Jules responds with fake cheer.

"Sam what did you do?" Ed asks.

"He punched a wall..." Jules says when it is obvious Sam isn't going too.

"Next time, punching bags work better," Ed says gently squeezing Sam's shoulder.

"Okay guys, we're off until Tuesday, 4 days. On Tuesday we'll all have a private and team meetings with a psychologist as well as mandatory psyc evals ," Sarge says.

"That's not long," Wordy speculates.

"It's all we can get. In the meantime I'm going to be checking in on all of you but I'm partnering you up, check in on your partner at least once a day alright. Spike with me, Jules and Wordy, Sam and Ed," he says. Jules notices that each one of the team 'dads' (Sarge, Wordy and Ed-the team members with kids) is paired with one of the 'kids' (herself, Sam and Spike).

Wordy pulls her into a hug as response to the news.

"I need to talk to you after," he whispers before releasing her.

"Okay, if anyone needs to talk we are all here for you, you can call me at anytime. Also the department is happy to schedule a meeting with a psychologist before the mandatory meetings. Also if you need a way to relax please don't turn to the bottle, go to the gym, go to church, I don't care just please don't make the same mistakes I did. Now go home, see your loved ones. I'll call you all tonight okay?"

The team nods and solemnly files out of the briefing room.

"How are you doing sweetie?" Wordy has always been a mentor to Jules but right now he's acting like a father figure and Jules can't say she minds. She actually rather likes the comfort it offers.

"I'm okay," she says, "How are you?"

"I'm good, want some company for a bit? Or a ride home," he offers.

"No I'm okay, thanks a lot though," Jules says realizing Wordy probably needs to see his family.

"Okay, the girls have a P.A day tomorrow so you're coming over, a distraction and some company never hurt," he says.

"Okay," Jules smiles, "thanks Wordy."

"I'll call you later tonight Jules," he says hugging her goodbye as his phone rings.

Meanwhile Spike has already left, the faster he can get out of HQ the better. Everything reminds him off Lou.

"I'll call you tonight Sam alright?" Ed says to the other sniper in the change room.

"Okay thanks Ed," Sam mumbles just wanting to get out of there.

"Call me anytime alright?" Ed says hugging Sam goodbye as they part ways in the parking lot.

"Bye Sarge," Jules pops her head into his office to say goodbye.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" Sarge motions for her to come in.

"I'm okay are you?" Jules walks in.

"Yeah, I am," he says, "go home, relax, I'll call you later okay sweetheart?"

Jules nods and the Sarge kisses her cheek before she leaves stopping briefly to say bye to Winnie


	2. I have some sad news about Lew

**AUTHOR'S NOTE **

****Hi guys, many thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, followed or favourited. I'm so happy with the response I got! This chapter focuses on what happens when Wordy goes home...it does include his daughters. I could be wrong but in my mind he has three, Claire, Lilly and Ally. I think Lilly may be older than Claire in the show but for my purpose Claire is older. I don't know their personalities and had to guess for ages...I am very likely wrong.

I also wanted to confirm that this is not a one shot, it should be aprx. 10 chapters long. I'm going to do one focusing on each team member's reaction and at least one whole team (maybe Leah's recruitment?). Also I'm going to try to upload before Friday but I won't be able to upload or write over the weekend due to a basketball tournament. Thanks for reading and if you have anything you'd like to see included I'm open to suggestions.

xoxo

**Story**

20 minutes after saying good-bye to Jules, Wordy is pulling into his driveway. He takes a minute to compose himself-he can't be breaking down in front of his girls. He then climbs the stairs to his door and opens it.

"Hey Kev," Shelly comes to greet him with a kiss, followed by the three Wordsworth daughters.

"Daddy," the littlest Wordsworth-3 year old Ally-smiles hugging her father's leg.

"Hey Princess," he lifts her up and kisses her cheek.

"Hi Dad," 6 going on 16 year old Lilly is next to hug her father.

"Hey silly-Lilly, how was school honey?" Wordy asks.

"Don't call me silly-Lilly I'm not a baby like Ally!" the six year old says crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'm not a baby," Ally protests, "I'm three," she holds up 2 fingers.

"Sure you aren't," says Lilly with all the sarcasm her six year old self can muster.

8 year old Claire-the oldest Wordsworth daughter bends down and pulls up one more of Ally's little fingers. "Three," she whispers in Ally's ear before hugging her dad.

"Hey Claire Bear," he says.

"What's wrong Daddy?" the sensitive and observant little girl asks.

"I need to talk to you guys in a minute but I need to have a quick shower first," he ignores his eldest daughter's question.

Wordy hurries up stairs to have a shower and when he emerges from the washroom with a towel around his hips Claire is sitting on his bed.

"Daddy, what's wrong? I heard mommy on the phone with Auntie Sophie and she said 'he's gone,' and that they'll be really upset, and then mommy was crying," she asks her little face full of concern.

"Let me get dressed than I promise I'll explain my sweet girl," he says kissing her forehead.

"Okay," she remains sitting on the bed.

Wordy dresses quickly not wanting to keep Claire's imagination to create horrible circumstances for very long.

"Okay Bear," he says opening his arms and lifting the eight year old up. He carries his eldest daughter downstairs and calls for Shelly.

"I'm going to explain it to the girls alright?" he says to his wife.

"Okay Kev, let me get Lil and Ally," she says kissing his cheek.

When all 5 family members are seated in the living room Wordy puts his arm around Claire and Ally curls up in his lap. Lilly is sitting with Shelly on the other couch.

"Girls, you know Uncle Lew? I have some sad news about him." he glances at Claire and is pretty sure she's guessed, "he, he died today girls," he says looking up to keep from crying.

"Can I go play now?" Ally obviously doesn't understand but Shelly nods regardless.

Ally runs off and Claire curls up on he father's lap.

"I'm sorry Daddy," she says hugging him tightly.

"It's okay love," he mumbles.

"Can I go up to my room?" she asks softly.

"Sure," Wordy kisses his eldest's forehead and she scampers up to her room.

"Ladybug, come here sweet-pea," he says as he notices Lily crying.

She takes Claire's position and Wordy gently rocks her.

"Does this mean Uncle Lew is gone-forever?" he whispers.

"Yeah sweetie, it does," he whispers and continues rocking her until all her tear are dried up. Lilly's crying is like everything about her, fast and furious.

"Lil, come help with supper, it's your turn," Shelly calls after a while and Lilly runs off.

Wordy then wearily climbs the stairs to find his eldest daughter.

She's not immediately visible in her room but Wordy knows to check the closet. Sure enough the little girl is curled up in the closet crying.

"Hey Bear," Wordy bends down to her height.

"Daddy!" she seems alarmed.

"What is it sweetie? What's wrong?" he asks concerned.

"I shouldn't cry if you aren't, you knew Uncle Lew better," she says. Her eight year old logic makes surprising sense.

"Oh my sweet sweet baby girl," he says lifting Claire up and carrying her to the bed.

"After Uncle Lew died it didn't seem real-it seemed like a dream but when I got into my car to drive home I realized it wasn't a dream at all. Then I cried for a long, long time." he explains as he sits across from her on the bed, "when someone dies its okay to cry and it's okay to cry as much or as little as you do. Uncle Spike cried a lot but Uncle Ed only cried a little and that's okay. I also had to work very hard not to cry when I was telling you guys that Uncle Lew had died, it's okay to cry but I didn't want to upset Ally because she doesn't understand what's going on."

"You can cry in my room, I'll still think you are the bravest person ever!" she says passionately.

"Thank you Claire," he smiles at the little girl with tear running down her cheeks. He pulls her into his arms and rocks her gently until her tears subside.

"I love you daddy," she says.

"I love you too my sweet girl," he says, "now how about we read a bit of the Penderwicks?"

"You don't have too if you don't feel like it," Claire offers.

"I want to, but your mom is calling us for dinner so after dinner I pinky promise," he says.

"Okay," she smiles.

The two walk down hand in hand.


	3. Coping without Lew

**Sorry about the ****delay-I've had a hectic week. Anyways I don't think this is my best work but here it is...**

**On another note, I've been looking for new shows to watch now that Flashpoint is done and I've found Cracked. It's also set in my lovely city of Toronto and is written by someone who worked on Flashpoint. Also Enrico was the guest star in the second episode and he was AMAZING! It's on CBC and I recommend it though it will never replace Flashpoint to me. Also Amy Jo Johnson's song 'Dancing Inbetween'...perfection! Anyways-enjoy! xoxo**

Meanwhile Jules is taking her emotions out on her drywall. Never has she removed drywall with such anger. Lew used to tease her whenever she came to work with drywall dust in her hair or paint on her hands. Lew...her mom...too many deaths, too many memories.

She slumps to the ground tears pouring down her cheeks. It's then she realizes there's someone pounding on the door. She runs up the stairs taking them two at a time and wiping her eyes as she goes.

"Hi," she says slightly breathlessly as she opens the door, "Sam?" she is slightly shocked to see her blonde co-worker on her doorstep.

"Jules," he tries to start but his tears are flowing down his cheeks and he can't talk.

"Sam, come in,"Jules takes his hand and leads him in giving him a quick hug.

"Jules, shit I'm sorry," he wipes his eyes and turns to leave.

"No Sam," she grabs his hand, "stay, you look like you need some company. Have you eaten yet?"

He shakes his head.

"You okay with stew?" Jules asks to which Sam nods.

"So, what's on your mind?" Jules asks as she heats up stew.

"I don't know I needed to be with someone who knew what happened and Ed and Wordy are with their families and Spike well...and the Boss, it's like visiting a shrink sometimes," Sam blurts out not really answering the question.

"Sam I really don't mind, you are definitely better company than my drywall," she assures him.

"If you want to work on your house I can leave or help or..." Sam rambles.

"Sam, calm down, I was hoping it was someone from the team when I heard the door," Jules assures him and they fall into a comfortable silence.

"God Jules, I can't believe it...he's gone," Sam says suddenly.

"I know Sam," she sighs as her phone rings.

"Hi," she answers.

"Hey Jules," Sarge says from the other end of the phone.

"Hi Sarge," Jules says.

"Jules, Spike's mom called me, Spike and his dad fought again. I'm on my way to pick him up and take him to mine, why don't you come over, I don't like you being alone after today," she resists the urge to says Sam's with her, they may only be comforting each other as friends but it's still not what she wants to tell Sarge.

"Why don't you and Spike come here, it's bigger and I'll cook," she offers, "I can invite Sam too, he shouldn't be alone after punching the wall today," she says with a significant glance at Sam.

"Alright, we'll be there in 20 minutes sweetie," Sarge says and the two say good bye.

"Sarge and Spike'll be here in 20 minutes," Jules tells Sam. Another look and she realizes his cheeks are again damp with tears.

She turns off the stew and sits beside him,"want to talk?"

"I don't know Jules I just feel so bad, I should of known, after Leila I should of known," he mutters.

"Who is Leila?" Jules asks.

"Shit I shouldn't have said that," Sam says.

"No Sam, it's okay, I want to know," she urges.

"A girl I met in Afghanistan, we were playing soccer with her and I...I kicked the ball too far, it landed in a field of land mines. I told her not to get it and went to get her a new ball. I heard Matt scream "Leila wait!" and turned around to see her little body be blown into the air. If I hadn't kicked the stupid ball..." his face is stoney.

"Oh Sam," Jules mummers putting her hand on his back.

It as if at her touch he breaks, tears rushing down his cheeks, shoulders shaking with sobs. She doesn't offer any cliche comforting phrases as she hugs him and let's him breakdown a few of her own tears escaping. He's finally composed himself when the doorbell rings. She opens the door to see Spike and Sarge.

"Hey guys," she hugs each of them before leading them into the kitchen where a much more composed Sam is sitting.

"I'm going to put on the stew to heat up, do you guys want to head into the living room?" Jules asks.

Sam nods and leads Spike towards the living room but Sarge stays.

"How are you doing Jules?" He asks her.

"I'm okay, honestly for now I'm just trying to stay busy," she admits.

"Sweetie, you can't stay busy forever," he says gently.

"I know-god do I ever know," she whispers the last five words, "Sarge I'm okay," she sighs.

"I know you are, it's just...I know what happened after you lost your mom, I don't what that to happen again," he says.

"Sarge, I was 15, I needed my mom and I felt like she abandoned me and it was my fault. Yes I became depressed and did things I regret but I never thought about killing myself. I'm 20 years older now and to be perfectly frank I wasn't as close with Lew as I was with my mom. I can take care of myself Boss, I've got a better coping system, a better support system, I'll be okay," she says tears in her eyes.

"I know you will be, you're a fighter Julianna Callaghan, just know I'm always here for you okay?" he says kissing her forehead.

"I know Sarge," she smiles and turns back to the stew. Sarge is like her second father and he's the only one on the team who knows most details of her not so great past.

Once the stew is heated up Jules and Sarge carry four bowls filled of stew and egg noodles to the living room. Sam is staring off stonily into space and Spike is looking at his feet. The two negotiators glance at each other and words aren't needed between them as Jules approaches Spike and Sarge approaches Sam.

"Hey," Jules sits down beside him.

No response.

"Spike," she rests a hand on his knee, "Spikey, you need to eat," she says as gently as she can.

"Not hungry," he mumbles.

"C'mon Spike, I've been through what you're going through. Starving yourself isn't going to help, please eat," she says.

He dutifully takes a bite.

"How are you doing Spike?" Jules asks softly resting a hand on his back.

"I feel so guilty Jules, if I hadn't told him to disable the bomb...god things would be so different," he's sobbing again with the same heart wrenching sobs that over took his body after the explosion.

"Spikey," she mumbles moving their stew bowls and adjusting herself so she can hug Spike's sobbing body, "oh Spikey, it's not your fault, not at all. It's okay, no one blames you." she croons. She hates seeing Spike so upset even if he has every right to be.

"What...if...I...hadn't...told...him..." he says through his sobs.

"Then we would of lost you too," she says as gently as she can.

"It should of been me Jules, it should of been me! I shouldn't have lived, why should I be alive when Lew isn't!" he cries beating his fists against the arm of the couch.

"Oh Spike, oh Spike, it's okay, shh you deserve to live Spikey. We all need you to live, I need you to live, please don't even think about killing yourself Spike," Jules mumbles her voice breaking and her negotiating skills going out the window because frankly she is much too close to this negotiation to have perspective.

Sarge looks over at her and raises an eyebrow silently inquiring if she needs back-up. She shakes her head and turns to Spike. He's still beating on the arm of the couch.

"Spikey," she reaches over and grabs his balled fists and he once again collapses into sobs.

While Jules is comforting Spike, Sarge has a different, maybe more difficult task, Sam. When Sam's upset he puts up his walls and his face becomes a blank mask.

"Sam, eat some stew," Sarge instructs.

Sam takes a bite.

"Sam, it wasn't your fault," Sarge says.

Sam shrugs wordlessly.

"C'mon talk to me," Sarge says.

"I'm fine Sarge, I've lost people before." he says simply.

"That's why I'm so worried, losing Lew like this, has got to bring back memories of Afghanistan," Sarge tries to tread careful knowing Afghanistan is a sensitive topic with Sam.

"I. AM. FINE." Sam says his words carefully measured, his blue eyes filed with emotion.

"Okay Sam, but please, call any of us when your ready to talk," Sarge begs. Sam reminds him of a young Eddie, stubborn and scarred, alone in the world.

"I'm fine Sarge," Sam insists so Sarge drops it knowing that pushing him will just cause him to put his walls up farther.

The room becomes quiet, the only sound Spike's painful sobs and Jules's soft words. Somehow just being in each others' company is enough to numb the pain to tolerable levels.


End file.
